Ch 108: The Farmer Ger in the Apocalypse

Shen Qing sat on a stone stool in the backyard, absentmindedly tossing bits of rice husks mixed with cabbage leaves to the chickens. A group of them had already pecked the ground clean, and seeing that he wasn’t throwing down more feed, they anxiously circled around him.

From outside the wall came a few meows, and then, with a light leap, a ginger-striped tabby cat landed atop the high wall—one so tall that even a grown man would struggle to climb. However, the moment the cat saw the chickens in the courtyard clucking at it, its fur suddenly stood on end, and it let out a sharp hiss, instinctively backing away so quickly that it nearly tumbled off the wall.

Shen Qing recognized it as Madam Guixiang’s cat, usually inseparable from her. Perhaps, having waited too long for its owner to return home, it had come looking. But this cat, when it was still a kitten, had been pecked by the village chickens, losing a toe on its hind paw. Ever since then, the sight of chickens made it panic. Now, its tail had puffed up like a thick brush, and it completely forgot about finding its owner, letting out a startled “meow” before leaping off the wall and fleeing.

Shen Qing sighed and threw the bowl of rice husks onto the ground, letting the chickens scramble over it as they pleased. He was utterly dejected—wasn’t he just like that cat?

That single word—fear—had finally made everything clear to him.

Before, he had always considered the ties Song Kaiji had on the other side, worrying about how many familial connections were pulling him back. But now, Li Aiguo was dead, leaving only Zhang Sujuan. Even the jade pendant had been given to him—what was he still hesitating for?

Only now did Shen Qing realize that no matter how much his heart wavered, he had never truly allowed himself to accept Song Kaiji. It wasn’t just about external concerns; it was about a deeply buried fear within himself, something even he hadn’t been aware of.

Of course, he feared his secrets being exposed, feared the entrance to the cave being discovered. He feared what would happen if his world was known to the people of the apocalypse, feared that the disparity in technology and firepower would become insurmountable… But at the root of it all, the only person who knew his secret was Song Kaiji. As long as Song Kaiji never revealed it, none of those fears would become reality.

In the end, everything traced back to a simple truth—he didn’t trust Song Kaiji enough.

Shen Qing reached up to touch the pendant at his chest again. But only now did he understand—his lack of trust in Song Kaiji wasn’t because of anything Song Kaiji had done.

He knew perfectly well what kind of person Song Kaiji was—clear-headed, pure-hearted, kind, and soft. He had stood in front of Shen Qing at the brink of death multiple times. He had made promises and kept them.

Even now, Qu Weiwei and the others, including Zhang Sujuan, still didn’t know that he was immune to zombie attacks. Song Kaiji had already realized that Shen Qing might never return, yet he had still entrusted him with the jade pendant. What more could he possibly do to prove his sincerity? Carve out his heart and lay it bare?

Shen Qing let out a self-deprecating laugh.

Maybe that was it. Maybe if Song Kaiji did carve out his heart, if he became a corpse with no heartbeat and no chance of change—maybe then, and only then, Shen Qing would finally believe him.

Shen Qing couldn’t trust Song Kaiji, not because Song Kaiji wasn’t good enough, but because he himself didn’t dare to trust a man. He was even more afraid of handing himself over completely, without reservation, to another person.

He feared ending up like Miao Shi—placing his trust in the wrong person. He feared that even if, at this moment, Song Kaiji was willing to die for him, one day he would change. He would turn into someone as repulsive as Shen Zhigao, or as cold and unfeeling as those men who remarried right after their wives had passed. Shen Qing couldn’t bear it. He didn’t dare to face what would happen if Song Kaiji changed, nor could he endure such a heartbreak.

If he never got together with Song Kaiji—if he disappeared from his world right now—then Song Kaiji would never change. He would never have the chance to change. He would always remain the young man in Shen Qing’s memory, the one willing to die for him, the one who had eyes only for him.

If he never entrusted himself, he would never be betrayed. This was the damage and shadow that Shen Zhigao had left on him. It made Shen Qing, like that cat, instinctively raise his defenses after a traumatic experience. At the mere sight of chickens, he ran far away, building a tight wall around himself for self-protection.

Even though, if it really came down to a fight, those chickens would be no match for the now-grown, strong cat with sharp claws and fangs.

People who have starved will hoard food, even if they can’t finish it in time. Even when it rots after a few days, they will feel regretful and frustrated over the waste. But the next time, they still won’t be able to break the habit of stockpiling.

Because doing so makes them feel safe. Makes them feel secure. What was wrong with that?

If Shen Qing had never fallen in love with Song Kaiji, this would have been the best approach. He wouldn’t have had to struggle or suffer over it.

But he had already fallen in love with Song Kaiji.

At some point, that cat had returned. Perhaps its desire to find its owner was too strong. It cautiously tiptoed along the wall near the chicken coop. But the chickens noticed it once again, and perhaps it was some innate animal instinct—seeing that the cat feared them, they became even more aggressive, flapping their wings and leaping toward the wall.

The tabby cat let out a few terrified cries and tumbled off the wall once more.

Shen Qing watched quietly.

It wasn’t just about Song Kaiji. Perhaps even in the future, if Shen Qing met someone else in this world—someone better, someone for whom he wouldn’t have to worry about secrets or caves—someone ten times better than Song Kaiji, ten times more sincere, ten times safer, he would still be afraid. Afraid that person would change, afraid they would covet his wealth, afraid of every single flaw he could pick apart from a perfect situation.

Because the problem had never been about the other person.

The problem had always been inside of him.

But Shen Qing didn’t want to be like this anymore.

Not just for Song Kaiji—but for himself.

He wanted to finally rid himself of the shadow Shen Zhigao had cast over him. He had already left the Shen family, so why hadn’t his heart fully left it behind? He had grown up hunting in the mountains, killing wild boars, killing zombies, and now, even killing people. He had always been brave and had always admired courage. So why, in this matter, was he such a coward?

He had grown stronger. He had wealth, a grand house, land, and servants. He ate the finest meals, wore silk clothes. He deserved, and was capable of having, the very best things in this world.

Then why couldn’t he have the man he loved?

He had to overcome this fear. He had to become truly strong. He had to erase even the slightest shadow of cowardice from himself. Nothing could hurt him anymore, and he had no reason to fear being hurt.

Inside the jade pendant’s space were traces of Song Kaiji’s life with his family. Every little moment, Shen Qing had seen them all.

Li Aiguo had loved Zhang Sujuan so deeply. Even though she had been married before, even though she had a son from another man, he had still wanted to marry her. When Li Aiguo was dying, Shen Qing had been there, had witnessed him collapsing, unable to hold on any longer, yet still using his last breath to look at the woman he loved, to reach out and touch her hair one last time.

Not every man in this world was like Shen Zhigao, was he?

There were also men like Li Aiguo. Like Lian Shi.

He shouldn’t have doubted Lian Shi’s love for Zhao Yu. He shouldn’t have dismissed Wang Dagu’s daughter’s future. Those who had the courage to fight for their happiness deserved to have it. They were worthy of a good future.

Shen Qing stood up.

If there were people in this world who could find a partner who would love them, unwaveringly, for a lifetime—if Zhang Sujuan could, if Zhao Yu could—then why not him, Shen Qing?

He was a good person. A great person. His birth was not his choice, and having a father like Shen Zhigao was his misfortune. But that didn’t mean it had to be his shackle.

He had been blessed by fate, had seen places and lived a life that a farm boy never could have dreamed of. He had no reason to be timid, to stay trapped in his own fears.

He deserved the best of this world.

So why couldn’t he have Song Kaiji’s unwavering, lifelong love?

Shen Qing walked out the door.

That tabby cat was still skulking by the wall. Shen Qing grabbed it by the scruff and carried it inside, placing it in Madam Guixiang’s arms.

The cat, at first dumbfounded, then terrified, struggled in his grasp. But the moment it was in Madam Guixiang’s embrace, it relaxed and began to purr contentedly.

“Qing Ge’er, why did you bring it in?” Madam Guixiang scratched the cat under its chin.

Shen Qing smiled. “I saw that it wanted to come to you, but it lacked the courage. I wanted to help it just this once.” Then, he turned to Miao Shi. “Mother, later, I have something I’d like to talk to you about.”

Madam Guixiang stood, still holding the cat, and teased, “Then I’d better get going so I don’t get in the way of your mother-son talk. Seeing how serious Qing Ge’er looks, this must be something important.” She turned back to Shen Qing. “As for the workshop, since it’s settled, just come by anytime to discuss it with your uncle.”

Second Aunt Lian’s family also took the hint and rose to leave. Lian Rong had been quiet all day, and now she lay obediently on Lian Shi’s back while Lian Qiao was held by Zhao Yu. As they stepped outside, however, they suddenly saw Uncle Li hurrying toward them.

The moment he spotted Madam Guixiang, he rushed forward and grabbed her arm. “Finally found you! Hurry, come and take a look—Old Shen’s wife and daughter-in-law are fighting at the village entrance!”

“Who?” Madam Guixiang hadn’t even responded before Miao Shi shot to her feet and strode to the doorway.

Uncle Li said, “Who else? Li Jiaofeng is still at the county medical hall, so it’s Old Lady Shen and Zhao Aiye! That crazy old woman actually went to beat Zhao Aiye, and you think the Zhao family would just sit by and watch? A bunch of their women jumped in to defend him, and they’ve been brawling all the way from the Zhao house to the village entrance! There’s no one from Old Shen’s family there to stop it—Madam Guixiang, if you don’t go now, that old woman might end up seriously hurt!”

Madam Guixiang was furious. “Right in the middle of the New Year! Can’t I have one peaceful day?!” As the village chief’s wife, handling disputes among the women and gers fell on her shoulders. No matter how much she despised Old Shen’s family, she had no choice but to hurry to the scene.

Miao Shi pursed her lips, hesitating only a moment before following.

Shen Qing called after her twice, confused as to why she was so interested in this fight, but in the end, he could only follow.

Yet when they arrived at the village entrance, the situation was nothing like Miao Shi had imagined.

She had thought she would finally get the answer to the suspicions that had haunted her—that Zhao Aiye had caused Li Jiaofeng’s accident, perhaps even had a hand in what had happened to her own lost child. That Old Lady Shen had discovered the truth and had gone to confront Zhao Aiye.

But what she heard instead was Zhao Aiye’s mother angrily complaining to Madam Guixiang.

Miao Shi’s expression darkened.

The Zhao family members immediately moved to attack Old Lady Shen again, but Madam Guixiang rubbed her temples and shouted several times, “Everyone, stop it!” only then managing to stabilize the situation.

Zhao Aiye had already taken a few blows from Old Lady Shen earlier, his face showing the marks of the beating. Now, he held Shen Xiaojun in his arms, covering his own face as he sobbed. The Zhao family was furious. “Madam Guixiang, did you hear what she just said? Without Aiye, their Shen family doesn’t even have someone to clear the ice? Now Li Jiaofeng’s fall is somehow Aiye’s fault too?”

Madam Guixiang was getting a headache from all the yelling, but Miao Shi’s face had turned pale. “Wait—so Zhao Aiye wasn’t even home when Li Jiaofeng had her accident?”

A bystander, eager to share the gossip with Miao Shi, quickly explained, “That’s right! You’ve been away from the village, so you wouldn’t know. Li Jiaofeng was lording over everyone because of her pregnancy, acting like a queen at home. Old Lady Shen got fed up and took it out on Zhao Aiye, making life miserable for him. It got so bad that Aiye just left and went back to his parents’ house after the second day of the new year—he hasn’t been back since.”

The person then lowered their voice and added, “You hear how the Zhao family is talking like they care so much about Aiye? The truth is, they’ve been holding a grudge against the Shen family ever since that whole pig-killing feast before the new year. The Shen family embarrassed them, so they’ve been angry. They probably encouraged Aiye to stay longer at her parents’ house on purpose, just to humiliate the Shen family and make Shen Zhiwei come begging. If a ger returns to his maiden home, wouldn’t the husband have to come with gifts to take him back? Who could have guessed that today, of all days, Li Jiaofeng would fall? And now, that shameless old woman is blaming it all on Aiye and even went to Zhao’s house to beat him. If the Zhao family didn’t fight back, who would?”

But the more Miao Shi listened, the heavier her heart became.

If Zhao Aiye wasn’t in the Shen household when the accident happened, then he couldn’t have been the one responsible.

So… was it really just an accident?

Or… was there someone else?

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