Ch 44: Is There Really Such a Good Thing? [QT]

When Shen Yunxuan woke up, her head throbbed painfully, and her body ached in several places, filling her with confusion.

After growing old, her children and grandchildren had been dutiful, often arranging for court physicians to help maintain her health. They spared no expense on the best medicinal herbs and supplements to ensure her comfort and minimize ailments. So why was she in such pain today, as though she had suffered a heavy fall?

Frowning, she slowly opened her eyes, only to find herself staring at unfamiliar curtains. This wasn’t her residence.

Scanning her surroundings, she lifted the edge of the curtain to look outside. A wave of conflicting emotions struck her—both unfamiliarity and a strange sense of familiarity. On the table sat a delicate vase she had once adored before her marriage but had accidentally shattered. How could it be here, intact?

Her gaze fell to her hands, and she froze again. Smooth and delicate, her hands resembled those of her younger self, not the slightly plump and wrinkled hands of her older years as a matron.

“Miss, you’re awake?” The voice of a maid embroidering on a low stool drew her attention. The girl quickly set down her work and brought over a bowl of warm medicine. “Does it still hurt? This is the remedy the doctor prescribed; drinking it will help you feel better.”

Shen Yunxuan clenched her fists tightly to suppress her shock as she looked at the maid. It was Qingju—her once-trusted personal attendant who had betrayed her and nearly ruined her life, leading to the death of her most loyal maid, Qinglan.

She had avenged herself and Qinglan by ending Qingju’s life. And yet, here was Qingju, alive and breathing. What was going on?

This situation was far from normal. Hiding her emotions, Shen Yunxuan lowered her gaze, allowing Qingju to help her sit up. After drinking the medicine, she said calmly, “My head aches terribly, and I feel a little dazed.”

Qingju muttered, “That Qinglan, honestly. Seeing you about to fall, why didn’t she rush over to catch you?”

Shen Yunxuan closed her eyes, piecing together the chaotic fragments of her memory. “It wasn’t Qinglan’s fault,” she said softly.

Qingju, unbothered, mumbled under her breath, “Miss, you’re too kind-hearted. I was just saying. Seeing you in such pain makes it hard not to blame her. Don’t worry—Madam already called the doctor, who said you’ll recover after three days of medicine. She also punished the third young master, confining him to copy scriptures for your sake. Hmph, she’s only doing this for appearances in front of the master. If she truly disciplined the third young master, would he dare frighten you like this? But at least she’s pretending to be fair this time.”

“Mm,” Shen Yunxuan responded lightly. Qingju had always been like this—careful and reserved in public but outspoken and forthright in private, seemingly putting her mistress first in everything.

They had grown up together. Shen Yunxuan had entrusted Qingju’s parents with managing her shops and even arranged for Qingju’s brother to study. Such generosity would be considered a great favor to any servant, so she had never expected Qingju to be bribed by her stepmother, patiently waiting for the right moment to stab her in the back during her most vulnerable time.

But these betrayals were events from decades ago. Shen Yunxuan had since learned her lessons and never made the same mistakes in employing people. Recalling those memories now stirred little emotion—just calm detachment. Knowing Qingju’s true nature, she resolved to deal with her in due time, but there was no rush. First, she needed to figure out what had happened.

She lay back down and instructed Qingju to leave the room and ensure no one disturbed her rest unless summoned.

Qingju, thinking her mistress was upset and needed time alone, obediently withdrew. Shen Yunxuan could vaguely hear her telling a younger maid to order her favorite dishes from the kitchen, ever attentive and thorough.

Ignoring Qingju for the moment, Shen Yunxuan stared at the canopy above her bed and quickly pieced together her fragmented memories. It appeared she had been reborn—back to the time before her marriage when her engagement was still being arranged.

It was the year she turned 20. Due to the consecutive deaths of her grandparents, she had been in mourning and had not yet married. Before her grandmother passed, she had carefully chosen a match for her: the Shao family, a household of respectable and virtuous military lineage.

Her grandmother had vetted the family extensively and deemed them an ideal choice. The younger Shao Qun, who had taken over after his father’s retirement, was an accomplished young general who had performed admirably on the battlefield and remained unmarred by concubines or mistresses.

The two families had agreed to an informal arrangement, postponing formal discussions until after Shen Yunxuan completed her mourning period. This promise had given her great peace of mind—the Shao family had truly been kind and patient.

As for the injuries she suffered now, they were caused by her mischievous younger half-brother, Shen Yu. At 15, he found delight in tormenting her with elaborate pranks, like leaping from behind a rockery with a mask and toy sword to startle her. This time, the shock caused her to fall onto jagged stones, leaving her bruised and in pain. Although not life-threatening, the incident left lingering headaches for years until she married into the Shao family, where a court physician finally cured her.

Shen Yu’s antics were a recurring issue. Though her stepmother would always perform a show of disciplining him and offering remedies, she never truly reined him in, leaving Shen Yunxuan to endure repeated indignities.

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Shen Yunxuan sighed softly, her memories aligning with her current predicament. So, she had returned to her youth. If that was the case, this time, things would be different.

On the eve of her marriage, Shen Yunxuan had once been accidentally pushed into the water by Shen Yu. The household was filled with her stepmother’s people, who declared after an investigation that it was merely an accident. Her stepmother punished Shen Yu with a few strokes and sent over some medicinal herbs, claiming it was all unintentional. Even the doctor said she had no serious injuries, so the matter was left unresolved. Only later did Shen Yunxuan learn that this incident had left her with an internal condition that made it difficult to conceive, placing her in a precarious position in her husband’s household.

She harbored a deep grudge. After enduring years of patience, once she secured her footing in the Shao household as Shao Kun’s wife, she orchestrated an incident at a hunting ground where Shen Yu’s horse was startled, leaving him lame and destroying his lifelong ambition to become a general. He lived in despair thereafter.

Later, she arranged for a destitute woman from Yangzhou, who was selling herself to bury her father, to be taken in by her father. This woman, with her delicate charm, gradually wore her father down. Shen Yunxuan’s father began to falter in his official duties, making repeated mistakes that eventually led to his demotion. The household fell into disarray, with her stepmother enduring daily frustration.

Her grudges against the Shen family ran deep, and even in the Shao household, she had her share of challenges. Yet, she always ensured her revenge was exacted and never let herself suffer without retaliation. Once her in-laws passed away, and her husband Shao Kun was granted the title of marquis, she became the matriarch of the household. Later, when she was elevated to a high-ranking noblewoman, her later years were exceedingly comfortable.

She vividly recalled her death, passing away with a smile, feeling that her life had been exceptionally fulfilling. Yet here she was, waking up in her youth. Could this be the blessing she had accrued from years of charitable deeds?

At the cusp of the formal engagement discussions, Shen Yunxuan’s first thought was whether to consider a different household for marriage.

Then, she smiled. Why change? The Shao family, though not without its struggles, was an environment she knew inside out. Reliving her life with her newfound insights, she could secure her position in the Shao household with much greater ease than before. Choosing another family would plunge her into uncharted waters—an unknown, possibly treacherous situation.

She had never been one to overestimate herself or believe only what appeared on the surface. No matter how much she knew about other families, she couldn’t know everything. That uncertainty made them less desirable than the Shao family. At least Shao Kun was a capable general. In her previous life, with her and her brother’s support, he had earned the title of marquis through military achievements. This time, with her knowledge of future events, she might help him rise to the rank of duke, elevating her own position even higher.

Until a better alternative appeared, the Shao family was the best choice.

Thinking of her brother Shen Jun brought a pang to her heart. In her past life, upon hearing about her engagement to Shao Kun, Shen Jun had immediately enlisted in the army to serve under Shao Kun. To save Shao Kun’s life, Shen Jun had sustained injuries that curtailed his future career. Once Shen Yunxuan’s life had stabilized, Shen Jun retired from public service, choosing to live as a recluse, mentoring talented disciples, and traveling the world with them.

Though Shen Jun had described it as a serene and fulfilling life, Shen Yunxuan knew her brother had once harbored ambitions to serve the court and make significant contributions. His injuries and his broad-mindedness had led him to relinquish those dreams with a smile, but she always felt she had been a burden to him.

Could this rebirth be a chance to make amends? Now, she had not yet fallen into the water or suffered lasting harm. No one close to her had been harmed, and her brother remained safe and sound, living quietly in their ancestral home. There was still time to change everything.

With this realization, gratitude overwhelmed her, and all her doubts dissipated. Since she had been given this opportunity, she resolved to live this life even better than before.

Perhaps it was her lighter mood, or maybe the medicine was taking effect, but the pain in the back of her head subsided significantly. At that moment, she became aware of a remarkable phenomenon in her memories—four “Books of Memory.” Opening one revealed astonishing worlds.

These books detailed the lives of “Heiress Shen Yunxuan” and “Actress Shen Yunxuan,” both in their first lifetimes and after their respective rebirths. Four different lifetimes.

Though these were worlds she had never personally experienced, the memories resonated deeply. She knew they were hers—lives she had lived in parallel realities. To prevent confusion, the distinct experiences of each world had been neatly compiled into separate “Books of Memory” for her to peruse.

It was extraordinary! She had lived through so many worlds and had been reborn in every one.

Heaven had truly favored her. With the knowledge from the lives of “Heiress Shen Yunxuan” and “Actress Shen Yunxuan,” she could now access an immense wealth of skills and insights. With diligent practice, she could master them and integrate them into her current life.

In other words, if she so wished, this life could be far richer, more accomplished, and infinitely better than her last.

Having read through the rebirth stories of the other two worlds, Shen Yunxuan felt a vague premonition. Could it be that, in this rebirth, there might also be another reincarnated soul vying to seize her destiny?

In her previous life, much of what she endured in her early years had been shrouded in secrecy, unknown to outsiders. All they saw was that her husband Shao Kun had departed for the battlefield on their wedding day without even lifting her bridal veil, remaining away for three years.

During those years, her in-laws had fallen ill, and it was she who had nursed them back to health while managing the large Shao household. When Shao Kun returned victorious, he was deeply remorseful and vowed never to take a concubine, devoting himself to her entirely. Their love story became the stuff of legend.

They went on to have three sons and two daughters. After the children were married, Shao Kun requested to be stationed at the border, leaving her to enjoy a peaceful life in the capital. His military achievements earned him the title of marquis, but he was later killed in action. In recognition of his contributions, the emperor allowed their eldest son to inherit the title without demotion. As her eldest son excelled in his duties, she was honored with the title of a high-ranking noblewoman, second only to royal consorts.

Now, with the chance to rewrite her story, Shen Yunxuan resolved to hold onto what was worth keeping while rectifying the mistakes of the past.

In her previous life, Shen Yunxuan had been regarded as someone who lived a charmed and illustrious life, admired by many. If someone wished to seize her fate, it wasn’t surprising. But who might it be? Could it be her younger sister, who was cast into the Cold Palace?

The Shen family had five children in this generation. Shen Yunxuan and her elder brother, Shen Jun, were dragon-phoenix twins born to Shen Xiuyuan’s first wife, Lady Fang. After giving birth, Lady Fang’s health had weakened. Though she gradually improved over two years, the massacre of her family by bandits during a pilgrimage caused a devastating blow, leading to her eventual death.

People said the two young children needed a mother, prompting discussions of remarriage for Shen Xiuyuan. He then married Liu Shi, a woman of good reputation but no experience raising children. Liu Shi struggled to care for the children, and when they fell ill, she was consumed with guilt.

Shen Yunxuan’s grandparents suggested taking in the twins, citing their delicate state. Thus, Shen Yunxuan and her brother were raised by their grandparents, while Liu Shi secured Shen Xiuyuan’s affection. The following year, when Shen Yunxuan was three, Liu Shi gave birth to Shen Ming, the Shen family’s second son, solidifying her position in the household.

By the time Shen Yunxuan was four, Liu Shi had given birth to Shen Yunrong, the second daughter, and when Shen Yunxuan was five, she bore Shen Yu, the third son. Year after year, Liu Shi strengthened her hold over the Shen household, giving birth to two sons and one daughter, ensuring Shen Xiuyuan’s devotion and her dominance over the family.

With her own children secure, Liu Shi turned her attention to undermining Shen Jun. At the age of seven, when Shen Jun began his studies, he repeatedly faced accidents: falling off a horse, slipping into a river, or suffering illnesses. Though Shen Yunxuan’s grandparents suspected Liu Shi’s involvement, they lacked concrete evidence. Desperate, they consulted a fortune-teller, who claimed that Shen Jun’s fate required him to grow up in the countryside to survive. Reluctantly, they sent Shen Jun to live with distant relatives in the family’s ancestral village.

In the countryside, Shen Jun would not pose a threat to the family’s legacy. Deprived of resources and opportunities, he was left to fend for himself. Meanwhile, Shen Yunxuan, as a girl, posed no immediate threat to Liu Shi’s ambitions and was allowed to remain with her grandparents, who doted on her and provided her with a good education.

Yet, Shen Yunxuan did not escape unscathed. Shen Yu occasionally frightened her with cruel pranks. Shen Yunrong flaunted new clothes and jewelry, while Shen Ming ignored her entirely. Servants whispered loudly about how intelligent Shen Ming was and how much he resembled their father. These small slights were difficult to contest, for doing so would make her seem unreasonable before her elders.

Her grandparents, concerned about preserving harmony between Shen Yunxuan and the rest of the family, often refrained from punishing Liu Shi’s children. They believed maintaining good relations with the main branch of the Shen family would provide Shen Yunxuan and Shen Jun with a future safety net.

Through these experiences, Shen Yunxuan learned to endure, feign magnanimity, and retaliate in secret. She grew up quickly, and in her correspondence with Shen Jun, they devised a secret code to share their thoughts without arousing suspicion. Their coded letters appeared innocuous on the surface, containing nothing more than routine pleasantries.

Their shared adversity deepened their bond, making them each other’s most important ally despite their physical separation. Shen Yunxuan knew her brother deliberately presented himself as crude and unremarkable whenever Liu Shi’s spies visited the ancestral village. His charade put Liu Shi at ease, convincing her that Shen Jun posed no threat.

In her previous life, Shen Yunxuan’s engagement to the Shao family had been arranged by her grandmother. Meanwhile, her younger sister, Shen Yunrong, leveraged their father’s position as Minister of Rites to enter the palace and become an imperial concubine.

Although the sisters had initially been exempt from the selection process due to mourning periods, Shen Yunrong, driven by ambition, persuaded their parents to secure her entry into the palace. The emperor, giving face to the Shen family, granted her the title of consort upon her arrival. Though she lacked a formal rank, her initial position was prestigious.

Shen Yunrong’s rise coincided with Shen Yunxuan’s discovery of a lingering injury caused by Shen Yu’s antics. Suppressing her anger, Shen Yunxuan refrained from seeking immediate revenge, while Shen Jun avoided returning to the capital, opting instead to join the military.

When Liu Shi later discussed marriage arrangements for Shen Ming, she learned that Shen Jun had enlisted and severed ties with the family. Believing him dead, Shen Xiuyuan and Liu Shi turned their attention to their remaining children.

By then, Shen Yunxuan had married into the Shao family. Her husband, Shao Kun, had left for the battlefield before even lifting her bridal veil, and her relationship with her family seemed bleak. In stark contrast, Shen Yunrong flourished in the palace, relishing her status and summoning Shen Yunxuan to visit, purely to revel in making her older sister bow before her.

However, Shen Yunrong’s fortune took a turn when her rivalry with other consorts led to a grave mistake, resulting in her banishment to the Cold Palace within three years. Despite the Shen family’s efforts to intervene, they could only ensure she had adequate food and clothing to survive.

By then, Shao Kun had returned victorious, and Shen Yunxuan no longer needed to deal with Shen Yunrong’s antics. Her brother Shen Jun, now an official, had also returned to the capital, rendering Shen Yunrong’s schemes ineffective.

Over the years, Shen Yunxuan and Shen Jun solidified their positions, covertly exacting revenge on the Shen family. Shen Xiuyuan succumbed to illness, their estates suffered financial losses, and Shen Ming was relegated to a minor official post in a remote location. Shen Yu, unable to cope with his disability, turned to alcohol. Liu Shi, burdened by these setbacks, sold off family properties and followed Shen Ming out of the capital. By middle age, her hair had turned gray, and she no longer had the energy to care about Shen Yunrong in the Cold Palace.

Reflecting on her past life, Shen Yunxuan felt a sense of clarity. This time, she resolved to seize every opportunity, protect her loved ones, and avoid the pitfalls that had once plagued her.

After Shen Jun was injured saving Xie Kun, he resigned from his position and retired. Later, Shen Yunxuan became the Marchioness, was granted a super-rank honorary title, and soon after, news reached her that Shen Yunrong had passed away.

At the time, Shen Yunxuan barely paid attention to the news. But reflecting now, she realized that if Shen Yunrong had also been reborn, much of what she had heard in her previous life must have been mere rumors. Shen Yunrong had spent only three years in the palace before being confined to the Cold Palace. The subsequent tales of her suffering, illness, and eventual death were likely the result of external speculation.

Shen Yunxuan could vividly imagine how those unaware of the truth had exaggerated her own life into something idyllic. Compared to Shen Yunrong’s decades of misery in the Cold Palace, her life must have seemed like a heavenly existence. Shen Yunrong, suffering for over twenty years, bedridden and resentful, must have been consumed with bitterness upon hearing that Shen Yunxuan had been granted a super-rank title and had a flourishing family.

If Shen Yunrong had been reborn, it was only natural that she would covet Shen Yunxuan’s life. After all, Shen Yunrong had only heard of the glory, not the struggles that accompanied it.

Faced with such a possibility, how should Shen Yunxuan respond?

This was a weighty matter requiring careful deliberation. Her initial intent to marry into the Shao family was rooted in her familiarity with them and the lack of better options. But entering the palace was an entirely different matter—it was the most prestigious place in the world, rife with both danger and opportunity. In such a place, even the chance of her child ascending the throne one day was not out of reach.

Rebirth itself was a bonus life, and with the assistance of the “Books of Memories,” wasn’t this her opportunity?

🌸˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧🩷˚⋆